The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/20/09
Oh dear, how sad!

This was very rich in atmosphere and description. I found the tie-in to the topic very minimal, though.

Very thought-provoking, and something that should make us all examine our own churches.
08/20/09
Good descriptions of the ovewhelming effect sin and guilt can have on us.
Such a sad story of the effects of sin. I guess you were trying to show the wintery coldness of how bad choices lead to total defeat and even death.
Wow this is as powerful as it is sad. We have such a tendency to judge before we know all the facts, and to focus on the sin rather than the sinner. "Blood stained hands lifted in praise." What an indictment on many of our modern churches. It's usually the uncharismatic and unlovely who get the sharp end of our spite, because we are already predisposed to find something wrong in them. And the last paragraph that shows God's heart in contrast to the church, His pain not only at the lost, but our inability to see that we put them there. We need to hear this and learn from it.
08/22/09
Strong themes...abuse of power, sin, guilt,hypocritical attitudes, loyalty of true friends;great descriptions/symbolism and a glimpse into the Father's heart.Very good!
08/28/09
Mature, strong writing. Difficult subject. Almost written like a play.
Not on topic. But, I certainly see where you have talent. Who is going to read the first couple of lines and quit? Sign of a good story.
I look forward to reading more of your work. To fare better in the challenge, keep the subject closer.

mona
Wow this is a powerful story. It really tied into the parable in the Bible where Jesus tells the mob that he without sin should cast the first stone. I could tell you really put your heart into this one.