The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/17/09
interesting twist in the discovery that this was just a trip in the imagination. It sounded so real.
I just found that for me there were too many characters in the car and this confused me. I think it would have worked just as well with slightly fewer people to describe.
I was caught by surprise at the ending. I was all set to go to Florida and enjoy the trip. Very interesting take on summer.
07/22/09
I hope you get to have many adventures. I started having real adventures at 45 so it's never too late.

I would say this part you are describing our Sara: "Pri exclaimed, bouncing in her seat. Twenty, she earned the nickname of “Our little hyperactive Indian.” She was small, tons of fun, and very random." -- Am I right?

Keep on writing and make up those adventures on paper and hopefully they will soon come true!
07/22/09
The beginning was great. I was hoping for some more description of the road trip, even if it was imaginary. Those details would have strengthened the piece. Then, the ending could have been wrapped up in one sentence. Good work.