Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Good and Bad (05/07/09)

TITLE: I Am a Good Girl...
By Coleene VanTilburg


I am a good girl. I go to church every Sunday with Mommy and Daddy. I am smart. I am pretty. Jesus loves me. I have Jesus in my heart. I am happy.

I like boys now. I hope they like me too. I have a lot of friends. Most of my friends are boys. I am still a good girl, but sometimes I have bad thoughts. I think too much and I get confused. I still love Jesus and I need to pray more.

I am a teenager now. I have so many friends but no one I can really say is a best friend. I don't think I am as cute as other girls. The boys still seem to like me but I don't know how to act. I do not feel confidant and sometimes these sad feelings overwhelm me. I find comfort when I can sneak food into my room and eat in secret. I still get good grades and go to church. My parents are older; they don't understand me. When my mom is at work, boys come over. One day a boy was still in my room and he hid in the shower and then had to escape out my window. We almost got caught. I think I am in love with him. He does not tell me how he feels. One day he moved away from his Grandmother's house and I never saw him again. I shared so much and now I am alone again. I must not be worthy of love. I am not good enough for boys to stick around. My brother almost died in a motorcycle accident. He is in a coma for a long time and stays in the hospital a year. I hardly see my dad any more. I feel abandoned. My mom...she's just an old lady...I can't talk to her. Sometimes I just want to sleep all day. Am I worthy of God's love? I should read the Bible but instead I will go to the mall and get French fries.

I am taking classes at the junior college. I am working. I am going to a youth conference. I want someone to love me and for God to answer my prayers. I want a husband. I am good. I pray. I fast. God answers my prayers. I am already friends with Steve so this is convenient. We decide this is what God wants. I marry Steve. There were no fireworks, no romantic courtship, and no butterflies. He is a good man. He loves the Lord. I know he loves me. He will take good care of me. Why do I still feel this emptiness...this sadness? Sometimes I cannot do things I should around the house and things pile up. In a weird way this makes me feel safe. I have children now. We have a nice house in a nice city attending a great church. My husband is involved in children's ministry. I work at the high school. I have anxiety and heart palpitations. I ease off the coffee. I meet another woman at work. She loves the Lord too. We become good friends. She has gone through a lot in her life and shares her struggles. I feel comfortable enough to open up to her. She thinks I am good.

I decide to diet. I lose 64 pounds. I really look good now. I feel good about myself. After trial and error, I think I have found the right medicine for my depression. I find Facebook. I find old friends. I find old boyfriends. I need closure. My friend at work warns me that my behavior is becoming dangerous. I am not listening. She reminds me Satan is a deceiver, and things will happen if I continue in my sin. I am out of control. My compulsive behavior is fun, dangerous, exciting. My friend cries but I do not.

I have broken a trust. I am being selfish. I am sneaking around. I am bad. Will Jesus forgive me? Can I continue like this? My friend is praying and speaking harsh truth into my life. She is my sister. How will this crazy time be resolved? I seem to just want to live in the moment and not think of consequences. My heart beats out of control...

Psalm 4:19 My soul, my soul! I am in anguish! Oh my heart! My heart is pounding in me; I cannot be silent.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 456 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Amy Stanbury05/16/09
I think this is brilliant. Great choice of punchy style. Love the reality.
Mary McLeary05/18/09
Your piece points out what frail creatures we are. It also reminded me that God works from the inside out God bless.