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The stunning, unexpected words ricocheted through my mind like a bullet in a tin can. Bursts of unwanted adrenalin made it difficult to think straight and impossible to form complete sentences.
“Uh ha….,” I said with air that just barely escaped from my throat as it slowly swelled to a close. “I see…,” I continued in anguish. “Uh ha…,” I repeated because I could no longer think of other words from the English language. “OK. Yep,” I said before I slapped close my cell phone completely perplexed.
I stared blankly at the cell phone that only a week earlier had delivered fantastic news that I was certain would change my life forever. I was asked to consider coming on board the church staff to fill a writing position being created for our flourishing website. I was absolutely thrilled.
Until that time, volunteer writing for the site was squeezed in at the end of a long day at work or in between the errands of a busy weekend. Now, I believed, God would get the best of me. I was told that paperwork for the new job should be in place in about a week. Surprisingly, I didn’t ask for any further details.
The pure elation of the opportunity lasted for about one day before the enemy’s attack ensued. Really, I should have seen it coming. It was that old, worn out issue of money. “Would this job pay enough?” asked the enemy.
You see, my “love of money” had never been in the form of greed but in the form of equally destructive fear. Growing up in a family that survived just above the poverty line, I pledged long ago to work as hard as I could to earn as much money as possible and doing so quietly dominated my young adult life.
Worrying about money was as easy as breathing for me. At age 39, I found myself making a more than sufficient amount of it but with very little peace in my life. The fear of insufficient funds gripped my soul and served as a constant source of tension within my family.
Completely worn out with the struggle, I decided to cast my life-long burden of money upon of the Lord and trust that He would sustain our family as He promises in the Bible. Despite that school tuition would be due soon, the price of gasoline was on the rise and the car was in the shop for repair, I would take the church job that would likely pay half of what I was earning at that time and prove, once and for all, that God is my true master. I was completely unaware as to how we would pay all the bills but I was ready to take the leap of faith.
Thus, when the bad news arrived a week later that the new writing job was not funded by the church’s board of directors and there was no place for me on the church staff after all, I was simply bewildered and devastated.
“What’s going on, God?” I questioned out loud when my head started to clear and my throat began accepting air once again. “I was ready to do this for YOU. I’d give up the salary and the title to serve you Lord,” I reminded Him with increasing vigor.
Then, God spoke these words to me. “Now, here is the good news. You’ve passed the test. Remember, I didn’t really need Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac on that alter…I just needed to know that he would.”
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