The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Great story of hope and redemption of a hurting soul.
04/09/09
Beautiful story. I love how you portrayed Chloe's withdrawal and Betsy's loving rebuke and restoration. Well done!
04/10/09
Sweet story with a good title.

Your next-to-last paragraph is more "telling" than "showing". Consider leaving that paragraph out, and letting your reader come to the same realization that the character came to.

This would be lovely for older children to read.
04/13/09
Great story for older children. There are so many children this age that need to see love in action.