The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/20/09
A wonderful relationship between these two dear friends...I'd hope to be that kind of friend in similar circumstances.

This felt a bit stilted; I felt like I needed less converstion and more human interaction, more feeling.

Love the title and the ending quote!
03/24/09
Great message in this piece. Being a shinning light for the long term can be hard. What an encouragement that your character could show the light of Christ through her life.
03/24/09
Don't we all have friends like this? We want to "will" them to salvation, but they put it off.
I'm thinking about someone like that right now and I'm asking God to reach her. this reads like it is about her.
Mona
03/24/09
A very good message, and you have some very good writing skills.

I agree with some of the above comments. The dialogue felt a bit unnatural, or scripted. And Lisa gives some excellent examples of showing rather than telling.

I was very glad that you pointed out a Christian's life isn't so easy and problem-free. Excellent lesson.
A reminder to us all that people are watching to see if Jesus really does make a difference in our lives. Good job!
03/24/09
You portrayed a lovely relationship between these two women.
I find it really hard to read Gospel explanations. I know what the writer is going to say, so I just skim read! But you kept me from doing that by throwing in details of Judy and David's lives that made it more real. Well done there!
I like the ending quote, but I would suggest you separate it from the main story with a treble space, or by using a different font size. Otherwise it looks like the next line in the conversation.
Overall good writing!
While I liked the overall story, I agree with the other commenters. More showing instead of telling would really make this piece soar.
I enjoyed the relationship of these women and also appreciated that you showed imperfection in the Christian life. Others have done a good job of pointing out helpful ideas and weaker areas - so I'll leave it alone. Overall - good story with a great message. :*)
03/24/09
You have offered a really worthwhile entry with a lot of good writing. Listen carefully to what the others have suggested. You have a natural way of writing that is easy to read. I look forward to reading more of your future entries.