The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/20/09
Wow, great twist at the end, I didn't see it coming at all. The contrasts and insights were intriguing.
03/20/09
As someone who is intimately familiar with spinal cord injuries, I really appreciated your insight into the tremendouse difficulty--both physical and spiritual--associated with living with an SCI.
I didn't see the end coming. Well done. Your have really written this with insight and sensitivity.
03/26/09
I really, really liked this entry. thank you very much for writing it.

Things to consider:
Par 4: "Not taking seriously..." seemed an awkward sentence structure and felt passive.
"Misuse" = lack of use?
"life done laying in this bed" - didn't get the "life done" bit but maybe it fit the dialect.
The big conversation seemed a bit staged or forced, but was full of good information.
The end is built to work from suspense and surprise but the details involved in the paragraph seemed to take away from it.

Things to celebrate:
Loved the ending of the first paragraph (foreward)...I was hooked.
Good character introduction via a contrast to open Par.2. Really nice!
Great description in Par 2.
Great detail (hoyer life) in Par 3.
Outstanding starting sentence in Par 4 (Reflection loves...) and I pride myself on writing these types of sentences and you blew me away...loved it.

Overall, refreshing and full of so many gems. Great job on this.