The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Interesting story. You kept my attention from start to finish. Well done.
03/21/09
I especially liked the emotional content of the first half of this story.

Be careful of comma splices and the correct use of semicolons.

All of us who have lost a loved one have shared these feelings!
03/21/09
I would have traded the names of the siblings for more description at the end. Good story with powerful emotions.
03/26/09
Great opening paragraph. Second paragraph seemed to contradict itself internally. The third paragraph holds a huge point and good thought and then things seem to unravel a little bit in the writing. Overall, I like the pacing, but I think you will find several edits simply by reading this article to yourself aloud. I hope to read more from you here.