The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Wow you certainly packed a lot into your little piece. Well done, I liked your main character and his love for his family.
03/21/09
You definitely told about the Kingdom of God. Good piece
03/21/09
Very creative way to incorporate the parables into a story.

Be careful of unnecessary commas.

I very much enjoy Biblical fiction--thanks for this story.
03/26/09
You were very on topic and had a lot of great material. The reading was a bit difficult due to the use of repetitive words (how and that) in ways that felt as if they created fragmented sentences and a lack of flow. It seemed this had a lot of promise, but could have used a day away and then some editing on the good material you used.