The Official Writing Challenge
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I like the idea of your story. You kept my interest throughout.
As a writer, you were able to make me care about the two brothers and their outcome. Well done. I did wonder, however, why the slave traders weren't aware of the possibility of diamonds in the earth as this would have (to me) added a bit more suspense to the story. However, with the escape and bus ride, etc., it all added up to a well-told story with a hopeful ending.
03/12/09
I liked the idea of the dirty diamonds. Good story!
03/12/09
What a terrible life! You really brought home the sheer cruelty of the slavers, and the boys desperation to escape. There were a few things that seemed unlikely, such as the boys owning clothes that had pockets, but I realize that your story could not have worked without them. Particularly moving was the way that the boys were so disillusioned as to say "Even a missionary will sell children. It is the darkest place on earth."
The missionary's last words and actions were beautiful, leaving one full of hope for the boys future.
This was captivating. I liked how you showed the thoughts of the boys when they saw the missionaries giving those gifts.
Nice job.
03/15/09
God's love shines through even the darkest places of this world and of our hearts. Good writing, very creative.
I enjoyed the suspense as well as the way the missionary shared the good news of the gospel. Great story.
I'd like to see this story filled in with greater detail and expanded. There is scope for a much longer story. Well done.