The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/12/09
Love that last line—it sums up your message perfectly.
I think you have a real knack for story telling. In doing so, it's important to try to show and not tell about the characters and their situations. Tough to do in 750 words, I know. For instance where you wrote: ("Hello, Antwan, have you no work to be doing?" She expected more false dreams from Antwan, her ten year old cousin.) The reader should know this about her expectation from her actions and not by the writer telling it to be so.
That you, as a writer, can do this is evident by the next passage: ("Francisca, you...must...believe!" Antwan insisted, trying to catch his breath from running.) Immediately we know something about Antwan and his sister. Hope that makes sense, keep up the good work.
It is indeed a hope and a prayer of the many thousands throughout africa that are caught up in this dreaded situation. Good storyline. Keep writing.
03/12/09
Well told tale. I was glad for a happy ending.
03/12/09
Promises you can eat! Surely only something that God could provide. It was wonderful seeing how he handled the plight of your orphans. Your characters did seem a little too well educated for their circumstances. Nevertheless the skepticism and then sheer joy at being loved was very well played out.
I love stories where there is hope; Hope We Can Eat certainly fits the bill. I loved it when the goat bumped the girl in the back, and her subsequent reaction to this. Nice, enjoyable read.
It is difficult to imagine an 8 year old being head of her household, but I guess it could happen. My question would be then, how old was Francisca when their parents died? Where is this cousin, Antwan's parents?

I would love to see this expanded. You do have an ability for storytelling.
03/16/09
The promise of hope in the beginning, to see her parents once more, is beautiful. The adoption by the church in the end solidifies that hope.
I like the way we see this destitute and desperate situation beyond the children's control, remedied in part by the church. There is so much room to broaden this piece into a larger story. I hope you do. Good work.