The Official Writing Challenge
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Poignant story, emotions expressed clearly. I was just a little confused about where they ended up - wasn't sure if it was a relative's house, a home for battered women or what. Nice writing. :)
I love the way that this story is told from the viewpoint of a child. There's some wonderfully evocative vocab here: the crunch of leaves, the queasy stomach, the smudged windscreen. All convey the sense of wonder and surprise at this unexpected transition. In a sense it's good that we don't know what's happening because the MC doesn't either. Mum and sis remain as flat characters but that's fine too.
Yet in saying all that, I'm not sure about the closing paragraph - it's as if the boy suddenly gains an almost adult sense of perspective and it doesn't quite ring true for me. I appreciate the need to put in some context but I wonder if the basic information wouldn't have been better coming from the mother. Anyhow well done. A pleasure to taste and to read.
Racheal, I just wanted to let you know that you did very well in the Challenge this week. Even though you didn't quite make it into the winners' circle, you made it into the highest rankings for Level 2, placing 12th for the level.

If you would like to check the highest rankings for yourself, you can see them here:

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)