The Official Writing Challenge
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Excellent write. Touching story. :)
11/30/08
You capture the emotions of the woman very well. I particularly liked the scene contrasting Jeremy's silhouette with a shadow leaving her life - great imagery!
I felt that your story lacked something in terms of general description. I could not picture what any of the characters looked like nor the place where they were meeting and this hindered my ability to enter fully into your story. I trust that's a helpful comment to you.
Keep on writing - your're doing well. And enjoy reading other people's entries.
12/01/08
Very sweet prodigal story.

I caught a few minor POV switches, but all in all this is very well done.
12/01/08
Wow, another glimpse into the heart break and healing of your characters. Beautiful. I liked the "heavy oaken door" and the silouette. Nice job.
I really like this story. Since you asked for red ink, I'll tell you one thing that tripped me up: Word choice.

Like this (and she smiled out "upon" the slightly bent elderly man). Just changing that one word to "on" would have kept the first line in the modern day setting you intended. {in my humble opinion}

Still, Great story line and title. :)
Very tender. I love the ending, and am glad it turned out that way. Nicely done.
12/03/08
Very well constructed, and dripping with angst. You've got a lot of writing talent!
12/04/08
Congratulations on your 3rd Place win in Level 2, Kevin. Time to move up to Level 3 now.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
12/09/08
I was right there with these characters in your story. I pictured them in their livingroom, where a door would be leading into a house. Readers' imaginations are crucial to any reading, the writer need not give every detail. Chills went through me as I read "brace her or anchor himself".