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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Christmas Gifts (11/13/08)

TITLE: Mission: Discovery
By Diana Dart
11/17/08


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Even one shred of sound would completely blow our cover and could lead to unthinkable consequences. We placed our feet gently down in unison, hoping the floorboards wouldn’t scream out our approach. The destination was a sliver of light that trickled through the doorway into the shadowy hall. Far off sounds of our sister crying could not distract us from our stealth; they were the signs of a successful distraction ploy. A few minutes earlier my brother had let out an entire roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and unlocked the vanity doors while I brought my toddler sister giggling into the room. We disappeared and she plopped down, her eyes bugged in wonder at the unguarded cupboard and kitten-soft trail of mischief resting on the floor. A strategic tattle to dad had ensured that the two of them would be out of the upstairs hallway vicinity for at least 7 ½ minutes, the average length of her tantrum. We would apologize to her later. After all, some sacrifices needed to be made.

My brother crouched at the entry to my parent’s bedroom and I peered over his head to see my mom sitting cross-legged on her bed. Cleverly, she had her back to the door and her charges laid out in front of her on the mattress. Her own body was a rather large barrier to our line of sight. My brother motioned his chin towards the dresser opposite our vantage point, pointing out a large mirror squatted on top that clearly displayed our mother’s face. I frowned. The height of the mirror was wrong, for we couldn’t see the top of the bed. We stretched high on the tips of our toes, just a few more inches…

I held up a finger and willed my brother to be still as a corpse. With caution I crept to my sister’s bedroom and carried out a kiddie chair, its seat about 12 inches high. Perfect. Gently placing it away from the wall, I climbed and stood tall. Ah ha. Neatly wrapped gifts were arranged at the foot of the bed, but I ignored them, along with anything that looked like underwear or had a pink box. Such things were not what we were on the prowl for. My greedy eyes scanned the piles of merchandise amidst the wrapping paper rolls and boxes. A hand clawed at my leg, begging for a chance to look and I felt my brother’s intake of frustrated breath as I waved him away.

And there it was, hiding beneath a folded pile of flowered flannel sheets. The box end was all that I could see, but the name on it held the promise of hours of unparalleled enjoyment. Flashing a sinister grin, I stepped down from the chair and allowed my brother a peek at the treasure. His gaze was quicker and he gulped in excitement as the box was spotted. A wretched morsel of sound escaped his mouth and my mother paused, her head cocking sideways. We dare not even blink. A moment went by – our chests nearly exploding with the fear – but she resumed her duties and we exhaled soundlessly.

He scrambled down, I snatched the chair and we both retreated to our shared bedroom, elated at our success. The box would soon be ours and it was sure to mean a new pinnacle of happiness in our lives.

Later that night around the family table, dad asked mom how the Christmas shopping was going. She shrugged and continued buttering my sister’s bread. “Well I haven’t finished with our kids yet, but today I wrapped all of the gifts for your brother’s boys.” She glared pointedly at my brother and I. “All they wanted was that gaming system you two have been begging for. It was expensive, but they didn’t really leave me with too many options.”

A mouthful of mashed potatoes lodged in my throat and my brother’s fork hit his plate with a crash, followed closely by his chin. Doubt and disbelief battled in my gut while my parents exchanged small smiles and went on with their dinner.


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This article has been read 453 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lisa Cox11/20/08
Really good...it had that "A Christmas Story" ring to it, with Ralphie and his red ryder gun. You created a good bit of tension too as they snuck around hoping not to be seen or heard. Really enjoyed this. Good take on "gifts".
Kathy Ludwig11/21/08
I actually found myself holding my breath - hoping to help them NOT get caught! What a wonderful story. I really enjoyed it.
cindy yarger11/21/08
Very cute. Your descriptions are great. It was a fun read.
Lucile McKenzie11/22/08
I could see this whole episode so clearly. A charming, well-written story. I wonder if it is based on fact?

Marlene Austin11/24/08
Delightful story. Great writing. :)
Holly Westefeld11/24/08
I really enjoyed the chuckles in this fun story. It is a refreshing change from the sea of seriousness this week.
Deborah Porter 11/27/08
Congratulations on your excellent win, Diana. As well as your 1st Place win in Level 2, you also made it into the Top 40 overall, ranking 22nd out of all the entries. Well done! That's an excellent achievement.

Time to move up to Level 3 now.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Sharon Kane12/04/08
You are clearly on a roll. Enjoy Advanced, but be warned: the competition is tough! I'm delighted to see you coming on in leaps and bounds in your writing


   
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