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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Christmas Lights (10/30/08)

TITLE: If Lights Could Talk
By Karlene Jacobsen
11/05/08


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"Twas b'yond the day called Christmas, see,
I wish we could rewind.
Back to the days when I could be
With you, my dear sane mind.

I can't take back what has been done,
Nor would I dare to try.
There's no excuse under the sun,
Really, no reason why.

I swayed alone outside my home;
My job done faithfully.
I'd light the path as I'd been shone;
Darkness, to part for thee.

The children played and frolicked there,
Beneath me in the snow.
Toy trains and planes flew in the air;
How high? I could not know.

The dog chased one throughout the yard,
And in the neighbor's too.
What happened then, would stop the heart,
But what could one man do?

Our neighbor’s cat escaped her house,
Much to their Mom’s dismay.
She ran for “Tubs” in skirt and blouse,
Her hair in disarray.

Out came Johnny, her little boy
Intent to help catch Tubs.
On his heals was li'l Sally Joy,
With Tubs’ one little cub.

It wasn’t long before our dog
Was in a high speed chase.
Tubs was quick, hopped on a log,
And swatted at his face.

Then up a tree, she climbed with ease,
And then upon our roof.
She liked it where she could safely tease
The dog who only woofed.

I can not tell what happened next,
‘though I heard something pop.
Something smelt burnt, and I would bet,
My job’s come to a stop.

My strings did snap, I came unglued,
My bulbs popped one by one.
‘though in a fray, I knew the truth;
Fried wires, ugh! I’m well-done.

Now to the trash I know I’ll go
Once taken down this year.
I’ve given them the best I know
To encour’ge Christmas cheer.

This is my story, and you’ll find,
In no way was it a waste,
To spend so much; my precious time
Observing those in haste.

If lights could talk, here’s what I‘d say:
It’s a service held dear,
To light the way for you each day
At Christmas, through the year.


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This article has been read 654 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marlene Austin11/07/08
Good poem form. Interesting POV. :)
Leah Nichols 11/11/08
Nice try! Quite creative!

Okay, you did ask for some red ink, so I'll address the meter: some of the rhymes have a bit of an awkwardness to them....when you're picking words watch if they have a "duh-DUH" or a "DUH-duh" sound to them and keep that consistent throughout your poem. It's not just the number of syllables, but also where the syllables land.

Example:
In a classic 8,6,8,6 meter they would go like this -

duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH

duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH


"When reading this your poem, dear,
A tiny thing I saw"

I usually tap my finger on my computer as I read my poems aloud.

I love how you're stretching yourself! No tomatoes from me - how about chocolate? :)
Karlene Jacobsen 11/11/08
Thanks Leah. I thought it was somewhat awkward in spots as well, but couldn't place my finger on why.
As for the chocolate? Dark chocolate would be great!
Celeste Ammirata11/11/08
I enjoyed this, and could see the scene play out. I admire you taking this step, I just don't have a poet's pen. Maybe, one day, I'll give it a try. Nice job!
Diana Dart 11/11/08
I'm not really a big fan of poetry but I found this one so amusing. Had a nice beat, good title and was really creative.
Beckie Stewart11/11/08
Cute and creative poem. Well-done.
Judith Gayle Smith11/12/08
What fun to read! Enjoyed this immensely!