The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/10/08
Oh, how sad!

I felt that her change of heart came rather suddenly--maybe reduce the introductory material, and give the mother a more gradually softening heart. This would help your readers to relate to her better.

My heart goes out to people who have lost loved ones at Christmas time!
Very touching story. What a difficult scenario. Nice job. :)
Thanks for your story- another one including "Away in a manger". Well told and makes a good point about the need to move on from the evident tragedy, and we all reach it at different times.
Very good writing showing the mother's anguish, my heart broke for her. This is one of my favorite carols.
10/15/08
That was a perfect line to end on. Amazing job painting the picture - nice work!
You bring across the emotions here very well. The characterizations were very real.
My heart breaks for the mom here. The seemingly sudden change of attitude at the end may prove more believable if it was shown that her layers of emotional protection had been disintegrating already.

This is otherwise an excellent piece.
One of the saddest things in the world must be to lose a child. You presented a very good picture of the little boy, and the last verse of that carol was just the right ending.
You showed the emotions of the mother very well. I'm glad she had such a good friend. No mother should have to bury her child. Sad but wonderful story. Well done.
Sad and beautiful. So glad the mother's heart melted. How sad for the families that lose loved ones at this time of the year.
Love,
Norms