The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
Glad HE finally listened and she was willing to try again.
09/13/08
A scene that could be played in many homes across America. I could see the wife's frustration, her struggle to remain in control. What a relief that he "came to his senses" and they, apparently, were going to work things out. I think you could develop this into a short story or a novel. Blessings.
09/15/08
I thought this was very well done! Great writing. Totally drew me in.
09/15/08
Good job on this. I like it that you were creative at approaching the topic but yet the situation was still very authentic.
Good job. This is a story that will touch many women. They will be able to relate totally.

Since you asked for red ink, here are a few thoughts. There is a lot of long passages of dialogue. You might try breaking it up a bit with some descriptions of actions in between. SHOW us what they are doing a little more so we can picture it.

I also felt the resolution was a little quick. I wasn't sure what happened to make his face pale and for him to change his mind. I needed a little more here.

Overall, great job with a very relevant topic. There are many football widows out there.