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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Hide and Seek (08/07/08)

TITLE: Where the Seeker Hides
By Beckie Stewart


“1, 2, 3, ” the little girl said. She had been selected as “it”. She cupped her hands around her face as she leaned upon the large maple tree. She tried not to cry as she counted.

She hated being “it”, because her sister and her friends were impossible to find. She never got a chance to hide either, but she again agreed to play because she ached to be with them.

“48, 49, 50. Ready or not, here I come.” Jasmine turned around and surveyed the yard. She sighed. Her bottom lip protruded out of her mouth as she realized that once again she couldn’t see her sister and friends.

You will find them this time. She encouraged herself as she attempted to skip merrily toward the shed in the far side of their yard. She looked in and around the shed but came up empty.

Jasmine tried. She looked up in the trees. She crawled through bushes. Nothing. She didn’t want to give up, but discovered she was clueless as to where to look.

Suddenly, Jasmine stopped dead in her tracks. She closed her eyes. She heard something, and so she stood still and listened. It sounded like laughing and came from behind her. With her eyes still closed, she slowly spun around.

When Jasmine opened up her eyes, she looked toward her house. From her sister’s bedroom, the curtain swayed. Reality smacked Jasmine in the face like the car that ran over her kitten last year. The pain of rejection pierced her heart, and anger and hatred threatened to overtake her spirit.

Jasmine darted toward the shed and ran inside. She spotted the empty potato sack and placed it over her head and body. Leaning on the wall in the farthest corner of the shed, she wrapped her arms around her legs, and wept bitterly.

“Where are you?”

Not wanting to be found, no answer came.

“Jasmine, where are you?” the voice called out.

Silence remained as pain burned the depths of the little girl’s heart.

Jasmine listened as the door open and her sister called out her name. She refused to respond. For the first time in her young life, Jasmine hated her sister and didn’t ever want anything to do with her again.

“Oh Jazzy! I know you’re in here. I’m so sorry. Please talk to me. Please.”

No. her heart cried within. I don’t ever want to talk to you again.

“Jazzy, I’ll do anything you want to make this up to you. I promise. Please. I love you, and it was wrong for me to treat you this way. Please forgive me. Please.”

With caution in her heart, Jasmine straightened out her legs and pulled off the brown sack. She noticed tears streaming down her sister’s face.

“Wow, Jazzy! Your hiding spot is fantastic. There is no way I ever would’ve been able to find you. I declare you the winner and the number one hider.” Her big sister said to her as she smiled and quickly embraced her.

It didn’t erase the pain, but Jasmine believed it was a good start to rebuilding their relationship.

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This article has been read 492 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laury Hubrich 08/14/08
I love this little girl named Jazzy. I'm sure we all can relate to her heart pain. Nice job!
Marlene Austin08/15/08
Any child would relate to this story. You painted an accurate picture of what every child goes through at least once in their tender lives. :)
Deborah Engle 08/17/08
Nicely done. I didn't want to be Jazzy, but, in some ways, I suppose we all were her at some point in our lives.
Lauryn Abbott08/18/08
Ooh, the pain of sibling rivalry. Lots of emotion here, from both sisters. Good job!
Patrick Whalen08/18/08
I enjoyed this story and would only add that your writing could use a little more description. It isn't always necessary to run all the way up to the 750 word count but I think this story would have benefited somewhat from a degree of expansion.
Joy Faire Stewart08/20/08
Excellent job of getting into the head and heart of a child.