The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/14/08
I love this little girl named Jazzy. I'm sure we all can relate to her heart pain. Nice job!
Any child would relate to this story. You painted an accurate picture of what every child goes through at least once in their tender lives. :)
08/17/08
Nicely done. I didn't want to be Jazzy, but, in some ways, I suppose we all were her at some point in our lives.
08/18/08
Ooh, the pain of sibling rivalry. Lots of emotion here, from both sisters. Good job!
I enjoyed this story and would only add that your writing could use a little more description. It isn't always necessary to run all the way up to the 750 word count but I think this story would have benefited somewhat from a degree of expansion.
Excellent job of getting into the head and heart of a child.