The Official Writing Challenge
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Very interesting story with quite a surprising ending. I realize you were trying to create a disoriented feel with your POV, however I found it almost too disorienting. I had to read it several times and still struggled with the various POV's scattered throughout.
Interesting piece and very poetic. I was a little lost in the beginning though. After reading it a couple times, I think I understand it. The first perspective must be God looking in on a man. The second is the fish looking out at the man. The fish is symbolic of the man through the whole story. I think the key to understanding it is that you have the whole focus anchored on the man from two perspectives. Am I right? Work on being clear and your writing will be more potent.
The intensity came through loud and clear, even if the meaning didn't. It's hard to capture intensity and word count is limiting.
I have to agree with the others. This is good writing--very intense and descriptive without superfluous words. But I just cannot decipher the meaning here. I understand the fish's perspective, but aside from that I was getting vague ideas that some woman had died (was murdered? Was it an attempted suicide pact??). The man's perspective, or God's perspective, was not clear to me. It's a very intriguing read though!