The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/14/05
This was a great concept for a story line with a wonderful message of priorities. It was written well but was slightly simplistic and predictable. Maybe you could have had him surprise Jess by showing up to take her to the dance(of course, that probably would have taken more than 750 words! LOL)
But I truly enjoyed reading your piece. Keep writing!
Blessings, Lynda
06/14/05
You have a good feel for this style of writing. You laid out a solid storyline.
06/14/05
Nicely written story. I'm glad the dad chose his family over a job. My Dad lost a job one time over not working Sunday's, because that's a day for family and church.
A sacrifice of love is definitely the mark of a father devoted to his child. Good plot. Good story.
A nice story of priorities. I too felt like the end was a little rushed. It would make a great short story. I know you were probably at the word count limit.