“Could the sun be any hotter? Well, I suppose it’s not that the sun is any hotter than it is anywhere else, it’s just that we are closer to it here. I should say: ‘Could we be any closer to the sun?’ ‘Of course,’ would always be the answer, you know, with gravity and all. You can always jump. I wonder if it is really hotter if you jump or just that you get hotter by the act of jumping; not that you truly get hotter. I’m guessing your temperature doesn’t rise. Jimmy? Jimmy? are you listening to me?”
“Huh?” Jimmy asked, around a mouthful of fruity pebbles.
“Oh, never mind. I suppose its not important,” Kelly said, as she pressed her hands down into the orange formica tabletop, leaning closer to Jimmy’s face. “What are we going to do today? We have to do something unforgettable.”
Jimmy’s eyes widened at this statement and, for the first time in at least fifteen minutes, his spoon fell from his hand, landing in his bowl with a multicolored pebble splash that almost ended up in his lap. “Not this year! I’m not doing this again. I can’t take another lecture ride home. You do it yourself this year. I’m not gonna.”
Kelly rolled her eyes and crashed into her chair. “How am I supposed to make this the best year ever if you wont help. After all, this is the year we get to sit at the adult table for the first time. I have been thinking about this for at least three months.” Kelly absentmindedly ran her finger through a puddle of milk, sighed, and said to herself, “But if you’re too chicken...”
“I’m not chicken,” Jimmy says, seriously. “Besides, without me, you would have never thought of any of our pranks. I’m the mastermind. The lobster: my idea. The stink bombs at camp: mine. The fake blood: my idea, too. You’ve got nothing, which is why you need me, Kelly. It’s not ‘cause you can’t do it yourself, but ‘cause you don’t know what to do.”
“I’ll show you! I have great ideas! Some of my ideas blow me away. You will see, Jimmy. I will show you. Arrrgggghhhh, I’m going to pull something off you could never dream of and then you will be sorry.” The words tumbled out of the young girl’s mouth so fast that, at the end, she was panting. Her face turning bright red, either from the lack of breathing, or from the obvious anger in her tone.
“Whatever,” Jimmy said, shrugging. Then, after noticing his cereal again, he licked the milk off his wayward spoon, right before shoveling in another mouthful of fruity deliciousness.
Two white incisors sank into a twitching lower lip as everyone sat down to eat the most anticipated meal of the summer. Two long rows of shoved together picnic tables held not only the entire Jacobsen family, but mounds of potato salad, baked beans, fresh cut strawberries, lemon meriunge pies, hamburgers, hotdogs, cookies, and lemonade in sweat dripping pitchers. It was the feast of a lifetime. As with every year, silence fell as James Jacobsen stood to say grace for the meal they were about to partake in.
The whoopie cushion in Kelly’s hand was slick with sweat as she stood with the rest of the family. She stepped back, waiting until the proper moment to make the two quick steps to Uncle James’ seat, and back to hers, without being noticed.
“Dear Lord,” (one step back), “thank you for bringing us here today,” (a quick slide to her right), “and thank you, Lord, for you wonderful bounty,”(the cushion placed gently in the chair), “as we enjoy this meal and time of fellowship with one another,” (a step to the left and gentle slide back into place), “bless this food and those who prepared it,” (a drop of the stomach, as the air filled toy fell off the back of the chair, down to the concrete floor of the pavilion), “Amen.”
Crestfallen, Kelly sank into her chair quickly. Then, she suddenly looked up, as one loud fart after another was heard all along the table. At least a dozen adults were looking down at their chairs, confused and embarrassed. From the head of the table, the same voice that was so reverent in prayer moments before, bellowed in rage. “Jimmy! Kelly!”
A huge grin splits a freckled face as Kelly’s eyes meet Jimmy’s, who gives her a quick ‘wink’.
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