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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: The Family Home (05/29/08)

TITLE: Memoirs of an Ark-Ridden Housewife
By Jennifer Wetter
06/05/08


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Everyone especially the in-laws had insisted my husband was not quite in his right mind, that maybe he was few raindrops short of a flood or perhaps even a few trees short of an ark. Sometimes I really had to wonder about my husband’s sanity or perhaps his lack therefore of. Every so often I’d allow my own wandering mind to question my sanity including a full psychological evaluation.

The short-lived details included the fact that my husband “talked” with God. Unfortunately too many others that “talked” with God conversed with Him from the inside of a padded cell. My husband “claimed” that God was going to flood the entire Earth. Ed McMahon also “claimed” that I won $10 million in the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. Therefore God “required” that Noah needed to build a very, very large Ark to prepare for approaching flood. So I decided that I “required” that cows bark and pigs have wings.

Pardon the criticism and cynicism but I am sure any God-fearing women or wife can understand my dilemma namely Noah’s Ark. I suppose maybe you can’t really understand the fear of God’s promised flood, persistent family members and neighbors insisting your husband be committed or the front yard being completely engulfed by an Ark larger than your house. Although I must admit it was kind of amusing being the envy of the neighborhood.

Time and time again from the preparation to the completion of Noah’s Ark, although I often find myself referring to it as God’s Ark of Grace, my husband and I argued and attempted to assert our spousal authority.

“Noah, my dear,” I wondered. “Why do you have to work on the Ark again today?”

He sighed, “Because God has instructed me too, my dear.”

“But that’s all you do my husband,” I whined. “Even my own family members are now suggesting that you be committed.”

He shook his head. “God promised to deliver us from His judgment. Why have you not considered that my dear?”

Well I suppose Noah made a good point, I thought silently to myself. Lately I’d become so entwined in being a mother, a neighbor, a daughter and even the weekly gossip columnist that I’d forgotten about being faithful to God and my husband.

“Forgive me Lord,” I silently whispered, “especially for my doubt, my faithlessness and frugality. Teach me to focus on your passions and your purposes. Encourage and embrace me with your patience, persistence and perseverance.”

My faith in God’s grace and goodness was strengthened daily as I walked and worked alongside my dear husband as together we built the Ark that God had so commanded. Under the blazing of the brilliant yellow sun we hammered and nailed each plank with such tender loving care.

Together for almost a hundred years we basked in the beauty and brilliance of we labored and toiled to build God’s perfect family home. Not exactly what I had in mind but who was I to argue with God. I mean sure I wouldn’t have minded a beautiful two story clay abode filled with laughter and love and not to mention a great big kitchen with plenty of slaughtering space and perhaps even a white picket fence. Well maybe I am thinking just a little too far ahead to a future that doesn’t quite exist yet.

I thought we were through the worst of our Ark-ridden troubles only to learn that they’d just begun.

“God…WHAT,” I screamed. “He cannot be sure. We just finished building that great big boat. Now he’s insisting that we also include the local zoo. Did He also mention we need some clowns, a fire breathing man and wait we can’t forget the acrobats. And he wants you as this ringleader of this three ring circus.”

“Do you happen to see anything wrong with this picture Noah,” I continued breathlessly.

He smiled, “God simply inquired that he wanted two of every land-dwelling and flying animal, one male and one female.”

“Fine who am I to argue with the Almighty,” I sighed. “I learned not to argue with Him over a hundred years ago. What can I do to help then, my dear?”

One by one the animals waded, waddled and walked onto our new family home. My final thought simply wondered about who was going to clean up after our new family pets in our new family house.

With the pooper scooper in hand I shuddered as I walked towards the elephant stalls.


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Karen Wilber 06/05/08
Lots of good humor in here. Very quirky with the Biblical and modern references mixed. I laughed at the "kitchen with plenty of slaughtering space". Now, there's a picture. LOL
Joshua Janoski06/08/08
I really liked this. The humor you used is the type of humor that I really enjoy reading.

I liked some of the modern references, including "Ed McMahon." The only thing that confused me was the time period in which Noah's wife was speaking. I thought you had said it was 100 years after the ark was built, but then that wouldn't have made the modern references work. I kept thinking that this was his wife talking from Heaven or something. Anyways, it's probably just me overthinking things. I enjoyed the references regardless.

Thank you for sharing this. It was great getting to read a humorous story this week, :)
Lollie Hofer 06/10/08
LOL funny! I enjoyed this story and your zany sense of humor. Joshua is right - you don't want to overthink this story. Just accept the message for what it is - faithfulness - on God's part as well as Noah's and his family.
Marilyn Schnepp 06/11/08
I thought this story very, very humorous; however, the modern-day mixed with the ancient didn't exactly jive, if you know what I mean? But otherwise, very creative, and a laugh instead of a lump in my throat was a nice change of pace for me. Nice job! Enjoyed the lighter side of home. (*.*)! Kudos!