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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: In-Law(s) (05/08/08)

TITLE: The Desperation of being "Out-lawed"
By Lisa Huber


The Desperation of being "Out-Lawed"

As I look back on that dreadful day, I can almost feel the humidity rising and the wind blowing the stench of the nearby cow barn that rarely gets cleaned. I can see the surroundings and even feel the tension in the air. If this were a movie, the music would start to play heavy, dark chords announcing that something bad was about to happen.

Sitting angrily on a bench near the pool, my in-laws deemed it necessary to discuss "reality" with their oldest son. He was not meeting their rules, regulations, requirements, and was on the way out if things did not change. He was going to be written out of their will if he chose not to adhere to their manipulations for him, for his wife, and especially for their grandchild. Things needed to change. My husband's parents were not going to get their way in our lives and they were once again attempting to grasp for the controls.

Through his hurt, my husband knew that he and I were both tired of the manipulation tactics. We wanted to live our own life and not be tossed here and their by their every bitter whim. This was our lives, and especially the life of our little girl, whom God had given us the responsibility to care for, that they were after. He knew that he had to make a choice, again, to support his wife and child, and not his blood relatives.

Once that decision was made, the tide could not be turned back. The relationship was permanently damaged. Although we had tried talking, reasoning, being manipulated, and ignoring, we knew the reality of the issue was that short of a miracle it wasn't going to be resolved. We'd face life knowing that at that moment my husband's dad had turned his back on us. The curtain was drawn.

It's been about seven years since we became "out-laws" to the elders of my husband's family. It has been a difficult time. We've made countless attempts to resolve the situation in a Godly way; only to find out the only way it will be rectified is if we go their way, a way we feel is wrong for our family and for our marriage. As the days go by, one after the other, it dawns on me that my father-in-law has not spoken to his own son in four years. We've been together, but he would not talk to my husband or to me. He did however speak to the girls with sarcastic words and chocolate dripping kisses that would bring a strong allergic reaction from our youngest daughter.

The heart-wrenching ache I feel when I think of how my in-laws miss out on the growth, and joys of our girls growing into young ladies. Eight years have passed since our oldest was born, and she really only knows her paternal grandparents by name and the fact that their grandma sends them presents now and then.

Frustration wells within me knowing my in-laws are supposed to be Godly people - their a pastor and wife, for goodness sakes. What danger lurks for those they minister to?

The utter anguish I feel at the thought that my husband struggles to see God for who He really is and how God can relieve him of his hurt down inside caused by the rift between my husband and his father, continues to beat a gloomy rhythm in my heart.
Seeing how my husband loves our two daughters, I can't imagine the pain his father must feel at the loss of his relationship with his son, and grandchildren. Although to my father in-law, we are solely to blame for the circumstances surrounding this whole disastrous situation, what he really needs is God's healing and forgiveness in his life. I know, as the out-lawed daughter-in-law that I will not be the one God gives the opportunity to speak into my father-in-laws life, but I pray that soon, before it's too late, there will be one who can help him find the desperately needed healing to his life-long battle with bitterness and anger. I pray that will happen quickly.

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This article has been read 352 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie Wistrom05/15/08
Your portrayal of this distressing situation is very well thought out and not as jusgemental as it could well be.

Other than a couple places where 'their' snuck in as 'there' this story while sad, is well done.
Patty Wysong05/19/08
Bitterness will eat a person from the inside out. It is so destructive, and not just to the bitter person, but to those around, especailly the family. So heartbreaking.