The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
What a grand picture you made of two little girls in the back of a truck. It's too bad, the joy went out of it after the first time. Your description of everyone crowded in the front gave me a chuckle.
05/09/08
Charming memoir--your early descriptions were especially good.

I'd recommend that you break the long paragraph into several shorter ones, and end it with the arrival at church--that's where the oomph is.

Nice writing.
05/09/08
What a homely slice of life.

I found the 5th paragraph hard going and felt it could have been broken up.

Good job.
05/14/08
I enjoyed the story. The description of everyone crammed into the cab of the truck was funny. Lots of good imagery. I agree, it would be helpufl to break up the one long paragraph. You also had one VERY long sentence that could have been broken up as well. Over all, it was entertaining reading. You do have a gift with words for showing what is happening. I like "showing" much more than just "telling."