The Official Writing Challenge
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05/03/08
I liked that you didn't have her mom live, even though it was sad. Life is often sad. I was a little confused by the time shift of the last paragraph, but once I figured it out, I liked it. Nice story!
05/05/08
My goodness! I can't find any Kleenex, and I'm babbling like a baby. I don't know if this is true or not for you, but I'm sure it is for someone. You wrote this very well and the message came out loud and clear. Well done.
05/06/08
Very touching story with threads of love, faithfulness, forgivness, and regeneration within it.

However, I was a bit confused at the end, too, with the fact that the story is told in the first person until the last paragraph when it switches to third person.

Overall, very nicely told. :)
Other than the tense change and a bit of confusion over names, I really like this story. I'm sorry her mother didn't know of her change of heart while alive, but sometimes life is like that... and the important thing is, the change did take place.
I enjoyed the happy ending. Very good example for this week's topic.
A very powerful story. Not only does it teach us to cherish our loved ones while they are on this Earth, it also teaches us that life is too short to be stubborn and chase after our own ideals while rejecting God and what he has for us.

I liked the ending with the baptism. It was a nice touch. Thank you for sharing this. :)
05/06/08
We don't read many stories here that are set in Hawaii--this was refreshing!

I got confused at the last paragraph--you switched to 3rd person to 1st, and there was no transition to the baptism scene. A little bit of editing is in order, perhaps?

Nice, hopeful ending--well done.
Oh those moments of regret. So glad she stuck to her vow.

I agree with the others about the transition at the end.

Your storytelling is quite good.
05/06/08
Nicely done. Enjoyed this read.
05/07/08
Touching story here about regrets that many of us share, but with a blessed ending. It felt rushed to me; the mom didn't feel like a real person so much as a figure--intended? In any case, I enjoyed the thought life of Keona. It shows that, no matter how someone responds, God's word never returns void!
05/08/08
Oh Becky, you wrote a very good story, very touching. Keep on writing, my friend! Love reading what you have to share.
Laury
This is a suspenseful story. You did a good job with the MC. I sensed such profound sadness from her. I'm really glad you've come back to FW and hope you keep writing. I know for me it's been such a therapeutic experience! I can't wait to read more of your recent work!