The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1174 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
06/06/05
What a beautiful analogy of sacrifice. She made the prize available even as she experienced the consequences of the fall, then having made the prize possible to another she runs into her loving parents' arms. I could picture Jesus in His father's arms, being lovingly received, even while bearing the scars of His sacrifice. His sacrifice made it possible for us to receive the "gift" of eternal life. This was so well done!
What a creative way to stress the most important lesson regarding sacrifice: Something beautiful, broken and made alright by a pair of loving arms. This was very sweet. And I loved your unique title. Nicely done.
06/08/05
This story was beautifully told. We admire Colleen's sacrifice and see her experiencing the various moods of the title.
06/08/05
A description of that magical moment of seeing beyond oneself in spite of oneself. Can see this as a part of a children's story.
06/08/05
A very nice story (I'm almost ashamed to admit I smiled when she fell lol -something that might happen to me lol). But it was nice that she learned what it means to give something so special to someone else.
06/09/05
A wonderful story involving Colleen's sacrifices. Thank you.
How beautiful! One of my favorites this week. Awesome writing. I felt the whole thing. MMMMM! :)
06/09/05
Nice job - this would be a great children's book.
06/10/05
An engaging story, running a gamut of emotions. Well done.
06/10/05
no wonder you got kicked out of intermediate..... that's all I've got to say! :-)
06/10/05
Mmm ... lovely ... bringing big ideas down to a level that even young children can understand. I agree - an illustrated children's book of this would be lovely.
06/11/05
"Basket, eggs, candy and pride flew in all directions." I loved this line!
Great first Intermediate entry. You were right to move up a notch. Just a note - watch the present/past tense ("She knew Angelina will “sacrifice” too. Nobody had to tell her – she just knew." - it should read "would" instead of "will."
I know you've said you don't mind critique - that's the reason I'm giving it here. :-)
All in all, a wonderful entry.
Blessings, Lynda

A moving depiction of how pride will be humbled and the humble will be rewarded. The fact that the characters were innocent children gave it a more emotional quality. Beautiful writing.
Fantastic! A winner in my book. How is it other members know this is your first Intermediate level?
Ooops...I was reading your story when the time changed. I see your name too. Nice Job, Pat.
Beautiful, endearing story! I was in the little girl's shoes all the way! Congrats on your 'promotion' :)!!