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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)

TITLE: A Piece of Heaven
By Jennifer Wetter
04/17/08


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His fingers gingerly caressed the beautiful diamond ring shimmering in his hand. The diamond glistened and sparkled poignantly for all to see but no one was around. Once upon a time, not to long ago he envisioned a life with his beautiful wife, children maybe four or five, a dog and a house with the white picket-fence.

“Once upon a dream,” he muttered. “I thought it was our dream not just mine.”

Men aren’t supposed to cry but today his tears didn’t care and neither did his heart. Perhaps he simply to cry and that was okay, right?

His tears etched a river streaming down his face. “I loved her so much. I promised I’d always love her.”

Maybe that’s why it hurts so much now, he silently pondered.

She’d doubted his promise, his purpose and his passion. She’d doubted him. Maybe she left because she wasn’t ready to settle down, maybe there was someone else or maybe because of what happened nearly nine months ago.

That night….oh that night was permanently etched in his mind and embossed upon his heart. It was meant to be a night of loving promise instead it become a night of lustful passion. It was meant to be a night of reflection instead it become a night of realization

He proposed with a single red rose on bending knee. She’d said yes and for those two hours the engagement ring was worn, their hearts and lives were entangled and entwined. They were they happiest moments of his life and hers.

Their happiness and hope were quenched in the unanticipated moment of passion and pursuit of each other. The night had begun so innocently, nothing was meant to happen, nothing was supposed to happen. But it did and now it can never be undone.

“God, we made a mistake….”he whispered. “I made a mistake but must I spend the rest of my life suffering because of one night of sin, our sin…..my sin.”

Many great philosophers and poets describe how love is supposed to overcome all. He’d lost faith in them almost as completely as he’d lost faith in God and faith in himself.

Almost nine months ago to the day his fiancée choose to walk out of his life and out of his heart. She quietly placed the glistening engagement ring in his, she quietly she tears both on her face and in her heart. But those were only meant for her see and hear.

She gazed at him with supplicant sympathy and pretensive pity. She mouthed no silent “I’m sorry” “I love you” and she offered no beautiful breath-taking smile.

He sought to find answers instead he only found questions. He sought an explanation instead he only found more excuses. He sought he heart instead he only found hurt.
“God,” he wondered. “If we weren’t meant to be together…then why does it still hurt so much?”

Despair, despondency and depression plagued his heart, his home and him. Echoes of “childhood romance” and “lamented love” were heard from the voices of his family and his friends. His parents encouraged him to chalk it up to a simple, sentimental infatuation.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” his father suggested, “Just go out and catch another one”

His best friend encouraged, “Why settle for a minnow when you can have a trout? Or how about a whole school of trout?’

“Enough of the stupid fish analogies,” he screamed to no one in particular.

His temperamental tirade was interrupted by knock at the door.

“Yes,” he begrudgingly responded to the woman standing outside. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Michael Peterson,” she kindly questioned.

“What’s it too you,” he asked.

She shyly offered her hand. “I’m Ella McPherson a Social Worker. I am here to speak with you about your girlfriend, Jenna Laude.”

Confusion played upon his face but no words would come out.

“This beautiful little girl,” Ella motioned to a white portable bassinette, “is your daughter.”

His mouth opened wide and his behind hardly plodded to the floor.

“My daughter,” he whispered. Then a light bulb in his head finally came on. “That’s why she left….this explains so much.”

He whispered, “She’s so beautiful. Does she have a name?”

“Heaven Marie Peterson,” Ella smiled.

“Heaven,” he crooned. “My beautiful Heaven.”

Ella interrupted the peaceful moment between father and daughter. “Of course there’s some paperwork and details we’ll need to discuss.”

He nodded in agreement. Silently he thanked God for his perfect piece of Heaven.


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This article has been read 392 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 04/17/08
Moody and atmospheric--nice job with that aspect of your story.

Be careful of overuse of adverbs. Strong nouns and verbs are almost always a better choice.
Tim Pickl04/17/08
What a perfect name for a beautiful baby girl--and your Title! This is a great story.
Patty Wysong04/22/08
I could feel his heart. Well done.
c clemons04/24/08
A very poignant story. Could use polishing for content and proofreading for typos. Keep writing.