The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/17/08
An interesting story, rich in setting.

There are some spots where you use semicolons incorrectly. The groupings of words on either side of a semicolon must be able to stand independently as a complete sentence. In other words, if a period wouldn't work in the same place, don't use a semicolon; a comma or a dash is usually the correct choice.

This reads almost cinematically. Nice job.
04/17/08
I like this: it reads like a chapter from a Booke of Legendes.
04/22/08
I loved the characters in this and how there was a hand attached to the axe. This felt like part of a larger story. I liked it.
Another wonderful story involving The Forgotten One. I love the fantasy genre.
I think my favorite phrase is "Nusalle can have their hero; I remember a father. I loved him dearly…still do. He taught me that the greatness of a man is not measured by his strength but by his compassion."

Well done, very well done indeed.