Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)

TITLE: MY FATHER
By mick dawson
04/17/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

MY FATHER

For two generations Olleton, like everyone else; wondered who if anybody; still dwelt in the simple thatched roof construction. As no one could even remember the occupant’s name; let alone his face; he was simply referred to as…The Forgotten One. It was meant as a taunt by the children and yet, curiosity overpowered the youth.

On closer inspection, he noticed that the door was actually ajar. He pushed it open and waited for his eyes to adjust to the gloom within from outside.

By the nearest wall stood a stand supporting the leather and mail hauberk of the king’s elite guard, the Blue River Guardsmen. There was the deep blue tunic on the outside of the mail with the orange crest of the snarling dog across it. It had become ragged around the edges but otherwise intact. The horned helmet hovered above the mail a bit scuffed and dented but still polished but what was to be the most spectacular find lay across a small table. Olleton gazed in wonder at a long hafted, doubled edged axe. There were engravings on the upper haft denoting it as an officer’s axe of the guard, but as he leaned in closer, he saw that it was the mark of the king himself. His eyes breaking through the fog of darkness saw that a hand still clutched the weapon belonging to a mightily built arm.

The silhouette which now rose from his bed stood between the youth and the door with the axe raised in his hand with no more effort than holding a fine twig. Nothing more could be detected of the axe wielder save that his hair billowed around his bull like shoulders.

“You have nothing to fear from me, lad,” assured a voice from the gloom. “State your name,” he said bluntly.

“Olleton, sir.”

“It is a full moon past Dekra day, why are you not at the father-son celebrations instead of lurking within my walls?”

The youth lowered his head.

“I see,” spoke the Forgotten One. “I too have lost a father, twice. I was left abandoned as an orphan, but then I was adopted to another.”

“How did you come by the king’s axe?” blurted Olleton.

“It is my own. It was given to me on completion of my guardsman training by my father, Tonunda.”

“Tonunda the Savage?” gasped Olleton.

“The same.”

Somewhere in the darkness, Olleton could sense the stranger grinning.

“Are the stories they tell of him true?” pressed the youth earnestly.

“Some are, what have you heard, lad?”

“Is it true that he was brought up by wild dog packs? That he hunted and killed with them? That he became one of the dog tribe and when he became king, he slew king Natas of the south? In the Hall of Heroes it is said that he saved all of Nusalle with the giving of his life.”

Olleton heard a low rumbling which he knew to be chuckling.

“What you ask is if the man fits the legend. What you should be asking is if the legend fits the man.

Nusalle can have their hero; I remember a father. I loved him dearly…still do. He taught me that the greatness of a man is not measured by his strength but by his compassion; a lesson sadly that I have yet to learn.
It was the love of the man that I will remember. He made me his heir even when I was a thieving snipe of the gutter. My father gave me a home and where others spurned me, he encouraged me to fulfill my dream of becoming a guardsman. Out of love for his people he came down from his mountain to save them and it was out of love that he gave his life for them.”

An awkward silence followed. Olleton gauged the tensing of the shoulders and sensed that tears were being stifled.

“Perhaps, Olleton you have heard the tales they tell of Tonunda the Savage as the fires burn low, I have.

I once drew near the fire of two hunters, unseen as they spoke. One told the other that three days after Tonunda was buried that he saw a man running, leading a pack of dogs on a hunt.

Perhaps this part of the legend is a myth; but I choose to believe that he might be back on his mountain, possibly looking down on his son and the world of men.”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 503 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 04/17/08
An interesting story, rich in setting.

There are some spots where you use semicolons incorrectly. The groupings of words on either side of a semicolon must be able to stand independently as a complete sentence. In other words, if a period wouldn't work in the same place, don't use a semicolon; a comma or a dash is usually the correct choice.

This reads almost cinematically. Nice job.
Tim Pickl04/17/08
I like this: it reads like a chapter from a Booke of Legendes.
Patty Wysong04/22/08
I loved the characters in this and how there was a hand attached to the axe. This felt like part of a larger story. I liked it.
Lyn Churchyard04/24/08
Another wonderful story involving The Forgotten One. I love the fantasy genre.
I think my favorite phrase is "Nusalle can have their hero; I remember a father. I loved him dearly…still do. He taught me that the greatness of a man is not measured by his strength but by his compassion."

Well done, very well done indeed.