The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/10/08
It was neat seeing Sandy's change as she learned about her family history--and what a rich history! For red ink: the thing that stood out the most to me was the ending--maybe due to word count--it was abrupt and left me scratching my head. But I liked how you used Alexie as a contrast to Sandy, it was effective.
04/12/08
Word count can be hard on such interesting stories that need just a little more telling :) I enjoyed it and would love to have seen a little less of the beginning and more to the end.
As already mentioned, word count can be a problem with a story like this. I would like to see an expanded version, where maybe Alexie begins trying to research his family with the help of Sandy. What you have here is real good, and I hope that you take it farther. :)

Thank you for sharing.
04/14/08
I liked this, all of the elements are here, perhaps more detail, but in my opinion there is just enough to make it personally visual. A couple of minor things, but this is a good read, and well written.
04/18/08
Congratulations, James, on placing 12th in your level with this piece. Great work!