The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/14/08
Yikes! Not a pleasant read, but I'm sure that's what you intended, so your writing has definitely done its job.

There were some places where your word choices or your tenses were awkward, and sometimes your sentence structure faltered a bit.

It's probably good for us to envision scenes like this every now and then, to keep us on our toes!
03/15/08
Good job capturing the voice of the evil one. This was definitely creepy. Good job.