The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/13/08
I enjoyed this story and the descriptions of the store. Contractions will make your dialogue flow more naturally - I'll instead of I will, I'd instead of I had and you're instead of you are. Well done.
03/13/08
Oh, the epilogue is heartbreaking, but beautiful nevertheless. Great story.

Take a look at the rules for capitalization (or UNcapitalization) of dialogue tags...and there were a few minor errors in punctuation to be cleaned up.

Very, very good story, and I'm so glad that I read it.
03/14/08
The most powerful stories are those which are a true accounting, or at least, based on such. I don't know which this is, but thank you for sharing it here. Succinct and touching.
03/14/08
Wow - what a story. I could feel his heart, and mom's. This truly blessed me.
03/16/08
Such a lovely story, although with a heartbreaking end; but one never knows what "words" can do to a hardened heart, or a lost soul - that is what spurs Faithwriters to write; hoping to tell a "person" or our "world" about His saving grace. Great writing, and enjoyed this entry immensely. God Bless!