The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/28/08
heartbreaking story, and so true, it is so sad when guys say one thing and do another. Great work
02/28/08
Very good example here. Often, this is all too true.
02/29/08
Wow... Saying I love you needs to be followed up with showing that I love you. Excellent writing--perfectly on topic.
03/01/08
Very powerful - and extremely effective use of repetition. I could feel her pain so clearly. Excellent.
03/01/08
Oh, the rich irony in the title of this! Excellent!

I'd suggest that someone with your superb writing skills could move it up just a notch my avoiding cliches. I caught a few, including "happiest day of her life" and "stomach was in knots". An excellent writer will find fresh new ways to express those concepts.

And you're an excellent writer--I felt every emotion right along with Dana.
03/02/08
Wonderful writing in this piece. I agree with Jan's advice. Keep writing.
03/03/08
Wow. The ending worked for a short story, but in a longer piece, I would wonder what happened to the characters afterwards.