The Official Writing Challenge
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This is very well written. Your description and dialogue is excellent.

I loved your MC, "The Forgotten One". This is a very compelling story, and you have pinged the topic well.
02/22/08
Great job with setting!

In an early sentence, I think you want either "splendid" or "resplendent".

This is a great genre piece.
02/22/08
This story kept me riveted throughout. I could see this being part of a longer story. Good job.
02/22/08
Excellent descriptions and sense of place - and what a message. You won't be in intermediate long. Wow.
You convey vivid descriptions and powerful emotions. Good take on the topic.
02/23/08
I enjoyed the descriptions and could feel his despair. I would love to hear the rest of his story. Great job.
02/25/08
It is obvious from the other commenters that I am either dense, not a good reader, or easily confused; so consider the source when I say that I was confused from the first to the end of what was happening. However, it is different, unique, and "Way OVER my head, (intellectually speaking)... so pay no mind to my confusion". Perhaps it is meant to be a mystery...therefore, Very Well Done! Kudos!
I liked this a lot! Love is essential isn't it? All things are tied to it! I found my imagination journeying on ahead of him, to at last finding the love needed, to heal his wounds! Great Job!
i got a little bit confused as to who Dehoran was, but when I re-read the first section, it made sense to me. Very well written. I would love to see this turned into a full blown novel chronicling the journeys of "The Forgotten One."