Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "It's No Use Crying over Spilt Milk" (without using the actual phrase or literal exampl (02/07/08)

TITLE: The Bumbling Beauty
By Shirley McClay
02/12/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

The stranger stepped from the driving snow into the warmth of Gentry Mercantile. He stomped his feet and shook his buffalo coat to shed encrusted ice before hanging it on one of the hooks near the door.

“Welcome, Cowboy. Set yerself down by the fire to thaw.”

Colter gratefully pulled up a rocker. “Lance Colter. Just lookin’ for work. I broke some bones and don’t do so well on cattle drives nowadays.”

The two men playing checkers both found some knobby joints to rub and grinned at him in sympathy. “Bet this weather ain’t lettin’ you fergit, neither.” Colter had to restrain himself from reaching to rub some aching joints. He wasn’t near the age of these two codgers and wasn’t about to mimic them, even unintentionally.

“Sarah. Bring out some more coffee. We got us a visitor.” Gentry grinned at Lang as he jumped his opponents last piece.

“In a minute, Pa.” The voice drifting from the living quarters in the back was lilting and made Colter think of spring and flowers. That cold musta froze my brain. Spring and flowers? He sidled up closer to the stove.

It wasn’t long before the curtains swished and in walked the most beautiful thing Colter had ever seen. Her blond curls were up in a fashionable style that framed her delicate face and made her blue eyes glow. Of course that blue gown she was wearing matched her eyes perfectly, maybe that’s why they seemed almost unreal.

She walked over to the men and placed her hand on Gentry’s shoulder. “Pa, there’s hot stew and fresh bread. Are you ready for some lunch?”

“Let’s eat, men.” He stood stiffly, stretched, and beckoned to Colter. “Come join us. Sarah is the best cook in the territory.” She looked at him but never met his eyes.

“Don’t mind if I do.” They stood to follow Sarah toward the dining room but Colter winced when she caught her toe on the edge of his rocker and nearly fell. Her Pa steadied her and they continued as if nothing had happened. Colter tossed his hat onto the sideboard as they seated themselves.

Sarah carefully ladled the stew into large bowls but dripped some onto the hot stove. She quickly wiped it off with a damp cloth kept nearby for just such an occasion, but the smell of burning food permeated the room. She placed the bowls in front of the men and Gentry’s prayer was short but sincere.

In spite of the smoke, it tastes better than … A startling crash made Colter leap to his feet and he looked with horror at the mess. Broken glass was scattered all around Sarah’s feet and she shivered in fear and shock. Colter lifted her into his arms and carried her away from the mess.

“What happened?” Even her voice trembled. Her father wrapped his arms around her and spoke soothingly in her ear.

“What in tarnation made you put the tray on my hat, woman?” Fear made Colter’s voice harsher than he intended.

“I didn’t see it.” She burst into tears.

“Sarah. Listen to me.” She choked back sobs and lifted her head from her Pa’s shoulder. "Glasses can be replaced, girl. An’ we got us a whole shelf of new hats.” He gave her a shake. “No one’s hurt, the food is durn delicious, an’ this little accident is nothing compared to how well you’re doin’. It’s only been three years, girl. Yer doin’ great. Now head on up an’ change. We’ll have things put to rights afore you git back.”

She sniffed and lifted her chin. Her determined smile changed the whole atmosphere of the room. “I’ll be back in ten minutes with cookies and a fresh dried apple pie.” She turned to Colter. “Do you take milk or sugar?” He shook his head dumbly. How can she look so beautiful with her curls dangling and tears streaking her face? She pulled out a lacy handkerchief and wiped her nose. And why does she seem like she’s still waiting for something?

“No, girl. He takes it plain. Now git goin’. I want some of thet pie.” Her pa shot him a look.

As Sarah disappeared upstairs, Gentry turned to Colter. “I guess I shoulda told ya. It ain’t something we can put behind us, I suppose… not like broken dishes and ruined hats.” Colter still stared in confusion. “Cowboy, doncha git it? Sarah cain’t see nothing. She’s been blind roun’bout three years now, boy!”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 789 times
Member Comments
Member Date
LauraLee Shaw02/14/08
This is excellent all the way around. In creativity, in message, in dialogue and in setting. This is a keeper for sure!
Mary Hackett02/14/08
This is good! It could've been polished a little more (but with the word limit that's hard to do), but I got into the story right away and the characters were vivid from the start. Well done!!!
Laury Hubrich 02/14/08
Very good job. I've got your dialogue stuck in my brain now -- argh! Keep up the great work!
Laury
c clemons02/17/08
A couple of transition problems like how did Sarah get from Colter's arms to her Pa's shoulder? One or two more places like that needs smoothing out, other than that a nice story.
Holly Westefeld02/17/08
Nicely done. Your subtle clues were very disarming. I briefly considered blindness when Sarah got hung up on the relocated rocker, dismissed that when she didn't meet his eyes, thinking she was just embarrassed, so was still somewhat surprised at the end. The missed shaken head is another good example of your attention to detail.
william price02/18/08
Excellent. Bravo. Applause. Well thought out and executed. Mega points for your ending and the restraint to not give it away completely until the end. Masterful touch. God bless.
Joanne Sher 02/18/08
Excellent sense of place and characterization - and a great twist I didn't anticipate. Wonderfully done!
Debbie Wistrom02/18/08
Felt the local color and loved Pa, the sequel,,,could it have Colter and Sarah keeping company?
Lyn Churchyard02/18/08
A wonderful take on the topic. Her father always being right there unobtrusively did not "give the game away". I loved the feel of the characters. Well done indeed!
Jan Ackerson 02/19/08
Excellent job with setting! You just know that a guy named "Lance Colter" is going to be a cowboy, don't you? This was a good read.
Patty Wysong02/19/08
This is great! I wouldn't have guessed, and saving it for the last line was fabulous--it gave the ending a great punch. Way to go!!
Lynda Schultz 02/19/08
This is one of those stories that begs for more detail—like how did she become blind? Hope there's a longer story or a sequel coming.
Sara Harricharan 02/20/08
Awww, you title fit this just perfect! I think they would make an interesting couple. I liked the character's name-and especially how she was able to still work and help even though she was a bit clumsy. This was a fun read. ^_^
Beth LaBuff 02/20/08
Your story is wonderful... I loved this early line, "The two men playing checkers both found some knobby joints to rub" I could just see that. Very, very good work on this!
LauraLee Shaw02/21/08
Congratulations on your 2nd place in Intermediate!!!! I'm so happy for you! :)
Yvonne Blake 02/21/08
Congratulations!
I love the ending. great writing!
Sara Harricharan 02/21/08
***Congrats! And up to advanced you go!*** ^_^
Celeste Ammirata02/21/08
Congratulations on winning second place. This story was well written and fun to read. Nice job!


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service