The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/07/08
What a tragic story!

This reads almost like a newspaper report--consider presenting material like this more like a short story, perhaps from the POV of one of the detectives working the case.

I've read about people like these young murderers--how very, very awful!
02/08/08
True life stories are always stranger than fiction. It is also true that sometimes you don't know the inner thoughts of those you mingle and run with; however, you did a good job of writing the sad, but detailed account of the murder...leaving the Reader with a thoughtful reflection of life in general and friends in particular.
02/09/08
These situations always drive fear clear to my bones.
02/11/08
What a tragic story! I'd like you to put the reader there through showing more than telling. You've got what it takes to make my toes curl from feeling like I am standing in the dump with the police when they ID the body. Don't be afraid to take your reader there. Great potential!
This was eerily familiar as we had a similar event here. A young mother, working late at a local Dairy Queen was seen being forced into a white pick-up truck. Neither she nor the truck was ever seen again. This was an excellent story, all the elements are there. It only needs some more details to fill it out. It certainly is pertinant for today's world. Good job!