The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/24/08
Good idea for the topic.

A few tweaks needed here and there--punctuation within dialogue stood out. I also was unclear on a few details--for example, $500 doesn't seem right for opening a restaurant, and the last few paragraphs with the "parrot" character were puzzling.

With those areas brushed up, this makes a good illustration of going about things the correct way. Thanks for writing this!
01/28/08
Needs a lot clarifying, two characters Mr. Pennycooke and Mr. Brammer where did they come from? You were sort of on topic but not very clear in that area either. Try having someone proofread before submitting. Keep writing.