The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/03/05
Okay, I was confused in the transition, but found my way. Interesting approach, probably some work would eliminate the fog.
I LOVED this one! I'm not what you could do that might eliminate the "fog" (I understood what you were doing, but you need to make sure everyone does)... maybe like in your other writings... just leave the "Son to Father" and "Father to Son" lines out... the reader might see it more clearly that way... again, LOVED this and the use of "birthday".