The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 700 times
Member Comments
Very well-done - you have some wonderfully descriptive phrases here.
This story BEGS to be longer than the word count - there are a few spots where a bit of elaboration (showing rather than telling) would have made this piece even stronger, but 750 words wasn't enough, was it?
The last line is just perfect.
So many good lines! You did need more than 750 words. I missed a little more detail about what happened after she left to go to the new church - seemed rushed. Maybe some of the earlier description could have been condensed? But excellent descriptions of a very troubled woman. I could easily picture Queen Elizabeth in my mind.
This was very good. You know how to describe people's body language well. My only quibble is that you've exaggerated people like Elizabeth too much. Even the truly narcisstic would tone it down a bit in real life. Other than that, I wouldn't be surprised if this one places.
This clearly illustrates the topic, and I liked the dialog.

Red ink: While that word limit can be stifling, I would have liked to have had more interaction with Yvonne, possibly as a volunteer at the rehab program, or at least greeting Elizabeth as she returned to Maranatha.
Also, probably because I have been blessed not to be acquainted with such a prima donna, I found Elizabeth a bit archetypal.
I stayed very intrigued with this to the end, and I loved your ending. I would have pictured maybe a notch up in creativity with the title, seeing as the rest of your piece is so creative. I love the scripture reference you put at the end as well. Excellent piece!
Your descriptions were wonderful, I could picture it all.
More explanation of events would have made the ending not seem 'cut' off. But probably due to word count rules. I would love to read this again if you expand the ending.
Great writing!!
An ironic title--I love it! I was particularly drawn to the first half of this; toward the end it tended a bit toward summarizing. There were actual people like this in my daughter's former church!
This should move you up, loved "her own ragged undergarment of insecurity was showing." Keep up the good words.
Oh, what writing. Too many favorite lines to list. I hate that it ended rather abruptly. I'd love it if you had 750 more words so you could elaborate on her fall into Christ's waiting arms. I do love the last line - perfect. And the title is perfect, too.
I agree -- this would be a fun longer story. You did a good job of showing us Elizabeth's personality -- I couldn't stand her from the beginning. :)

Good writing, and nice job with the topic.
You've entered the queen's head and told her story very well. I really enjoyed reading this (PRIDING myself that I'm NOT like this woman), then I had to rethink that. Great work!
Wow. Congrats on your highly commended. This is a great piece, I especially liked how you showed the character of this 'Queen Elizabeth'.
As a Brit. Queen Elizabeth had a different connotation for me, but the writing was excellent per all previous comments. Congratulations to you.