The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/18/08
The title says it all. What a tragic situation you write about. We certainly do reap what we sow.
You might want to do a bit more description in your piece, to bring the characters more alive.
A cautionary tale, perfectly showing the topic. Keep writing.
This is very sad and unfortunately only too real in life. I agree that this needed more showing, but I still could see where the MC had been and the regrets he was now facing. Keep writing.
01/21/08
You give us a good account of what happened, now bring us into the character's mind and show us what he sees; help us to feel what he feels. Start the story off with the MC looking back at his wasted life and show through his body's actions how he feels about himself and his choices. Maybe give us a little hope at the end instead of helping us to judge him. If you don't know how to do that, look at the masters' entries for this week and you should find some good material to work with. Based on this story, I believe that you are more than capable of carrying it off.
Wow! I liked this one. Bit scary what lust can do!!! Love Norms