The Official Writing Challenge
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You have captured the "heart" of a mother. The voice is so real. Excellent job.
01/10/08
Wow - you really captured the ache of helplessness. The ending is powerful, but it is question without an answer. Perhaps it would have made a difference... and perhaps not. Probably not. I'm not criticizing the ending, just noting that sometimes we take on guilt we don't need. Good story.
If only, what an anthem of our lives and wishes for our families. Keep writing. I feel for the mother.
01/10/08
Excellent! The poem really captures the heart of the story.
01/11/08
Oh, wow--the ending after the ending is the one that "got" me. Excellent writing!
01/14/08
Wonderful writing! I love the back and forth perspectives between the past, the present , and a peek into the future. Very touching.
01/14/08
It made me think that sometimes the best reason to try is to dispel any guilt we may have in the future for not trying. Once the moment has past we will never know if it would have helped. Great example of the topic.
This needs a tissue warning. As a mom of a daughter, I can totally relate. The voice is authentic. Excellent job.
Excellent writing. I feel the hurt from each character's life perspective...even the 'loser' boyfriend. You captured some painful reality in this piece. Well done.
01/14/08
Heartbreaking and extremely well-told story. I was engaged from beginning to end. Excellent.
01/14/08
I love the way you structured the piece. Working it backwards gave it a special touch. Then intertwining the poem was the cherry on the top. Your ending made me cry. It was very powerful.
I agree that this is a very powerful piece - there were tears in my eyes when I finished. Good job!
01/14/08
This is really good. I like the untidy ending -- not knowing.

The only part that bothered me was the fact that she told her mother to "shut-up" about the wedding -- yet the parents continued to pay for it. (However, I am guilty of that same over-indulging as a parent.)

You captured the emotions perfectly. Very well written, and great job with the topic.
You get a+ for creativity here as well as connecting with your readers (esp. moms like me.) Like the above comment the only thing that bothered me was the disrespect from the teen but then this is real time in the desert of contemporary teens. Really good writing.
As a mom who has had stormy times with our daughter, and second-guessed myself as a parent, I could really identify with this story.
01/14/08
Wow! This was very good and what a lesson to be learned from it! Thank you for sharing!
Laury
01/14/08
I'm anxious to see where this one places. Very good. Except...when a young adult is bent on doing "their own thing" you could "if only" yourself to insanity. I really like the style of writing you chose.
Heartbreaking, but so real. Thanks for your honesty in writing this.
Excellent, indeed! You nailed the heartbreak, the doubt, the voice of this mother. I hung on every word. Great job!
01/15/08
I was totally caught up in this mother's emotions. Great writing. I'm not one to usually like unhappy endings, but I like the sudden shift at the end leaving us with a nagging wondering. Superb!
01/15/08
Wow. You really conveyed the anguish. The last two lines were like a knife. (Great job!)
01/16/08
The "What if?" Is so haunting at the end. I was with the mother, aching as she watched the whole 'nightmare' unfold. A sad, but true story for some young people today. Great job with this. I liked the poem in between it captured the innocence of earlier days between the mother and daughter. Good job! ^_^
01/16/08
Oh WOW. This is amazing and that is not even the word to describe it. You have everything in here, great message, intriguing dialog, melodic poem and just everything. Did I say WOW!
Your story captivated me. It's sadly realistic.
Bitter sweet, and tugs at all the right heart strings. You did a great job of displaying the emotions of a loving, caring mother and your title fits beautifully. Wonderful job!
01/16/08
That's an amazing article. The ending was spot on - that poem could have helped her see sense.
Wonderful job of weaving through the present and past. (I got a little lost on the second paragraph. Perhaps better to have said 'I kept my burdens...')
01/16/08
You broke my heart. Amazing writing with this. Excellent message with a timeliness for today's youth. Thanks for writing and sharing this.
01/16/08
this is really good and I love the open ended what if? Of course we all hope that hubby changes his ways and the marriage can be reunited and the child raised in a happy environment .... but life isn't always a neat tidy fiction. You brought the reality home. Well done!
01/17/08
WOW! The 'What If' sword cuts both ways. Superb writing--I would say you could move up to Advanced next time!
01/17/08
This is a masterful use of poetry AND prose. Well done.