The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/07/07
I have a brother with Down Syndrome, so I'm always drawn to stories like this one.

I got confused several times--almost as if some background knowledge was assumed. Who is Beth? What does the catering have to do with the bread? Is Janie the narrator? And most of the asterisks aren't necessary, since not a great deal of time passes. Just use a phrase like "Later that evening," or "The next day..."

I really enjoyed getting to know Sarah and her family, and I appreciated the narrator's patient spirit.
12/08/07
Lovely characterization of Sarah, and the dialog is also quite good. Enjoyed this read - though I had a bit of trouble trying to figure out what exactly was going on in a couple places. Keep writing!
12/10/07
I loved hearing about Sarah, but I was lost most of the time. It felt like you were trying to sqeeze too much in--try narrowing down to a smaller thought. The time lapse is fine if you just narrow your focus. Sarah's mom sounds like the makings of a super-mom! It'd be fun to hear more about Sarah. :-)
12/11/07
I loved your dialogue, especially Sarah's. I would like to hear "the rest of the story."
I have also worked with such children and they are a special blessing, but also lots of work and patience. They will never lose their childhood because they are never grown out of it. Enjoyed articls.