The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/16/07
I like the no-nonsense voice of this little story...it would appeal to young male readers, to be sure.

It would go up several notches if some of the errors in writing mechanics were edited...there are several, all small, but mildly distracting.

You definitely held my interest all the way through.
02/26/08
A wonderful story, minus the pukey part..ick but you always tell your stories "As Is", which makes for straight and to the point. I don't usually give you advice or a Simon Cowell type critique...but you need to capitalize Bible. Thanks for a wonderful read...