The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/01/07
Beautiful descriptive story. You give one many thoughts to ponder.
A wonderful legacy for all.
11/02/07
Absolutely lovely descriptions. You put me right in the middle of your morning. Beautiful piece.
Nicely constructed, and thoughtful.
11/02/07
I liked this, too, but I think you made the same mistake I did on my baptism entry -- I switched POV's. I loved your descriptions. This was a very nice piece!
Laury
11/04/07
This is truly charming, and I very much appreciate the very different approach to the topic. Super!

A personal prefernce would be to not open with the "beep"s. Since an alarm doesn't REALLY sound like that, it reads as something a younger writer would use. I'd prefer something like "The alarm sounds--too early--and my husband stretches..." But honestly, this isn't any sort of rule. Keep it, if you like it...LOL.
Great description of place when they were on their ride. I felt like I was riding along, too.
Unique take on the topic. Nicely done.
Your descriptions of your family's morning are very good.
This was very well written and descriptive. The descriptions were vivid and beautiful. I was going to comment on the beep ... beep...beep, but I see Jan did. It's hard to know how to write a sound, isn't it? Jan's suggestion was very good and I've found that I don't write sounds anymore, they don't ring true to the reader. Other than that, this was a super entry!
11/07/07
This is a good lesson. Sometimes we do get too caught up in the ritual or structure of "the church," that we miss the true beauty of our loving God. Nice job with the topic.