Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: New Year (05/09/05)
TITLE: Evolve as You Revolve
By Leticia Caroccio
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
The party announcement had just come in with the morning mail; its bright and colorful borders promised to break all past party records. Lots of food, a loud and festive band and a river of bubbling champagne were on the menu. Immediately I began to plan what I would wear.
While all these preparations were taking place, I was hoping that this would help to lift my dying spirits. I quickly realized that this party wasn’t going to help. The grander the gala promised to be, the colder and darker my heart felt. My hopelessness was softly overshadowed by the festivities to come. It would not last. It never did.
It takes the earth an entire year to revolve around the sun. That revolution always compounded my ill mood. Season to season, month to month, I realized that I needed a different kind of revolution: I needed a momentous change in my life. I was dying inside and saw no end in sight.
For most, the coming of a new year usually signifies a new beginning, a fresh start, a new chapter of their lives in which to move ahead and beyond what the old year had carelessly dropped in their laps. But to me, a new year only brought anxiety and bleakness. It signified a continuation of ugliness, a new chapter in a dark book that had no surprised ending. I knew how it would end. A new year always brought along a gaudy mirror that reflected all the failures of my life.
So I always tried to cover up the new year by dancing and drinking and carousing with acquaintances. Maybe if I danced long enough, if I drank hard enough and if I caroused until I dropped, then perhaps, I wouldn’t feel anything. But in the back of my mind I knew that once the alcohol wore off, that I would again feel what I was trying to drown out.
I did not come from a broken home. My family was intact. My parents, though still married, battled each other as far back as I could remember. My father is a Marine drill sergeant and we were always treated as new recruits that had to be broken and whipped into shape. My mother, losing all hope of a marriage in its truest sense, emotionally shut down. She made sure that we were clothed and housed, but nothing more. She detached herself from my father and from us. I learned to be emotionless and to distrust everyone.
As soon as I were old enough to run from them I did. I left home when I was sixteen. I was legally emancipated by the court system, with the help of a guidance counselor, when I could prove able to take care of myself. But my life, devoid of a loving family and affection left me cold and empty. I learned to exist in this life, not wanting anything or anyone; not caring.
One day while driving in my car I was fiddling with the radio and came across a song unlike anything I had ever heard before. “Draw me close you, never let me go…” The words and music were touching my cold heart, bringing warmth and affection into it. I didn’t want the song to end. “You’re all I want; You’re all I’ve ever needed…” The singer was singing with such passion, as if he knew the person he was singing about personally. I wanted to know him, too.
The song ended; I was frantic. The voice on the radio was announcing a New Year’s celebration at the local Assemblies of God church. To say the least, my life was changed that night. To say the most, I am filled with hope for my future. I was given a new chapter in a book that would have the happy ending I had longed for. I made a decision that night that I had had enough of a hopeless life. The darkness could not stay any longer. Jesus became the light in my life.
My advice and recommendation to anyone who is trying to fill those void and empty places in their heart is to give Jesus a try. As the earth turns on its axis, as I await the new year, I celebrate! My life has been changed. Evolve as you revolve! Decide that you need God in your life and take that step. What do you have to lose but another year?
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