The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 633 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
09/08/07
I really like that you wrote this in first person, rather than preaching at your readers.

I'd suggest not opening with such a hugely familiar phrase--you want your opening to be your own! And since you had leftover words, I'd have loved more specifics about the specifics of the battle, in addition to the symbolic terms.

This has the effect of a pep talk, and I really enjoyed it.
09/09/07
I could have used some definite plans of battle. A good soldier/warrior captain whatever has to have a plan. There was comparison to Joan of Ark and the cliche scripture verses but not enough solution. As a article left me flat, keep writing and pull out what's in you.
09/09/07
I like the idea that you feel responsible for the youth in your neighborhood. I agree with the other comments that this is worthy of more information given to the reader! You have a great start made in your article-it only needs a bit more polish and it will shine!