The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/31/07
I love this. I felt your fear.

Being the mom of a boy scout, I agree about the great outdoors staying outdoors. Driving up mountains and squeezing through cracks aren't my idea of fun either.

But wasn't the view awesome!!

Good work.
This was a good story but the transition between the mountain above and the mountain below needs a little work as I got confused at that point. Even so , you had me wanting to read on. Well done. chris x
09/03/07
Clever title, and I felt claustrophobic just reading it.

A suggestion--except in direct quotes, it's best to avoid exclamation points. Better to use strong word choices to indicate strong emotion--otherwise it's as if you're elbowing your reader.

I enjoyed your casual, likeable voice.
09/03/07
Oh man! I have claustrophobia, and you'd have to kill me to get me into any kind of cave. Just reading about that hole made me breathe deeper! I agree with you; I'd rather look at photos, or view the mountains from afar, than go up them or IN them! Good descriptive writing.
This made me laugh. Simply put: I'm glad I wasn't there. :)

Make sure to start a new paragraph every time you have a new speaker.

Good job this week!
This was a fun read! Keep writing!