The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/31/07
This is a very well-written story with excellent descriptions, such as: "It wound down into long flats ribboned through with clear streams, then climbed sharply in acute switchbacks to twelve thousand feet. Dad and I stopped at an overlook.
Horizons rested lower there. We stood on a stone island in a sea of distant western clouds flashing silent signals that competed with an eastern yellow sun shining between white puffs against clear blue. Slowly, the western storm crawled over blue patches one by one until only a gold glow remained. The thunder sounded closer, but its flashes disconnected, promising only more noise." You really helped me see the spectacular view, too! :)

I would suggest that you leave spaces between your paragraphs for easier reading in future pieces.

This piece could have worked for last week's "confused" topic, as well, but it also has the element of fear in it with the son's concern for his father.

Great writing! :)
This is such a great piece of writing and although it didn't seem fearful to me, I loved your vivid descriptions. Well done. chris x
09/02/07
Your descriptions are wonderful. I could see the desert and mountains.

I didn't like how it ended. Just sort of happened.

Good job.
Spectacular scenery with its beautiful imagery. I can understand the fear seeing that the father is no longer in command of all his faculties. I would have liked to know, however, how the writer found his way back.