The Official Writing Challenge
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08/30/07
A powerful, thought-provoking story, beautifully written. The terse style with its sentence-long paragraphs really fits its mood, conveying tension, inner conflict, and anxiety. I could feel with the main character!

In sentence 3, the word "away" should replace "up" in front of "from everyone." In 6, "out" should replace "up" in front of "before they found..." The sentence beginning with "Strong man" should read either "A strong man" or else "Strong men," and it should be "heads of those," not "head." Also,the opening sentences and the dialogue ones would be easier to read with line spaces in between them.

Terrific dialogue, by the way, between the main character and God! Wonderful insights. The title also sparked my curiosity. Great job!
08/31/07
'bravely confront the ruins you had brought into your own life with my help.' Watch the grammar. It sounds like God helped ruin his life, but you mean, I believe, that God would help him to confront the ruins.
Good imaginative writing overall though. Fear of being wrong can be paralysing, and you certainly left us with this impression.
This story of failure is quite common, sadly in todays family and the storyline line is interesting. Well done. chris x
08/31/07
This is a great dialog between a non-believer and God. It's like I can hear God having this conversation with almost everyone.

Good work.
09/03/07
Interesting counterpoint of the strong man being ready to commit suicide. Nice opening. Great dialog as well, by the way. A few grammar problems have been commented on already. My comment on those lines is a bit more "picky", I suppose. Remember to double break the lines between paragraphs. They all seemed to kind of run together. it made some of the conversation run together and I got lost in which voice was which.
09/04/07
Very well-written conversation between the atheist and God! The ending left me "hanging," but it also left me thinking about the choices God gives us. Good story! :)
09/13/07
This is interesting and insightful. We can be so afraid of looking like fools that we miss out on what is true, real, and redemptive. Well done!