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Jannell bit her lip, annoyed. She felt like she’d been walking around in a fog for weeks now. Her church was falling apart and people on both sides of the situation had been pulling at her, trying to get her to make a decision. She didn’t know what to do. No matter what she decided, someone was going to get hurt, and most likely it would be her.
Why did things like this have to happen? She thought as her frustration level mounted. Why couldn’t both sides just agree to sit down, and pray about it, and figure out what was right? These were people who had been serving God for a long time; why couldn’t they come to a conclusion that hurt no one?
She wiped desperately at the tears that had leaked from her eyes, and hoped that no one walking by her cubicle had noticed. Taking a deep breath, she shoved aside the thoughts and tried to focus on the report that was due later that day.
The work was mindless, and before long her thoughts drifted back to the problem that had turned her world upside down and was threatening to break her heart.
Why are people acting the way they are? They’re flinging accusations, saying things that shouldn’t be said just because they’re overly emotional. Why are people on the one side of this not willing to look at it and dig to see whether or not what they believe is actually true? Why do they insist that we have to dig and see if we’re wrong if they’re not willing to study it out for themselves? We didn’t change from what we’ve always taught, so why are we wrong? Why are they willing to overlook wrong attitudes and actions and yet have a huge problem with something that has always been taught here? I don’t understand!
Unable to stop the tears rolling silently down her cheeks, she bit her lip, and finally buried her head in her arms. She sent a silent plea up to God, “Lord, I don’t know why all this is happening. I don’t know what direction to take. Is what I’ve always known right or wrong? Do I stay? Do I go? It feels horrible when your people are at odds with each other and tearing each other apart. Why can’t they figure it out? Why do I have to be stuck in the middle and pulled apart? Why do I have to make a decision? It hurts...” A sob caught in her throat. “Please show me what is right. Please direct my steps. Father, please, help me to keep my attitudes and actions right. Please help me to deal with this hurt in a right way...”
She broke off her prayer, not sure what else to say. She raised her head, dried her face, and tried to continue working. The turmoil in her heart had calmed and the fog in her mind had thinned, but the ache and questions were still there.
God is not the author of confusion. She thought. He promised never to leave me or forsake me, so I know he’ll get me through this. It’s just hard. It hurts, and I can’t figure it all out.
She sighed, somehow, she had to make it through this day, and the next, and the next, and trust God to handle the problem and show her what to do.
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