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I made the hour and a half drive in an hour and 15 minutes. This was one of those things I had absolutely no time to do, but could not afford not to do. As the newly appointed leader for a young and struggling inner-city church, I was determined to get ministries off the ground and functioning quickly. We had ten different inner-city programs, all of which were hurting for qualified help and no budget to hire paid staff. What better place to look for volunteers than at a Bible School?!
The campus was beautiful and serene. A long driveway framed on either side with hundred year old New England maples, shaded brick buildings that were in need of repair. I smiled to myself as sunlight danced in between the overhanging branches and memories of years ago, when I was a Bible School student, exploded in my head. I remembered my youthful idealism, my confidence that we would change the world. Now, decades later, I felt like I was looking back at the girl I had been, shaking my head and laughing: “Girl, if you only knew!” I wanted to tell her.
As the chapel service started, I was directed to the front by the faculty member in charge. There were four other men on the front row talking and laughing. It was obvious they knew each other. They glanced politely at me as I approached, with curious questions on their faces, but said nothing as I sat down at the end of the row. The middle-aged man closest to me did turn after a few minutes and introduced himself and asked who I was. We were then all ushered onto the platform for the service.
After a wonderful worship service, I made my presentation. The students responded well with amens and applause and I told them I would be available to meet with them in the cafeteria during lunch immediately following the service.
I returned to my seat on the platform as one of the four pastors was introduced as the head of the pastoral committee on diversity. He then gave a 30 minute message where he specifically told a story about one of the other pastors on the committee, a tall Indian man, being rudely ignored by a group of pastors at a recent ministry conference. His message made the point that as Christians, we should be inclusive of everyone.
After I finished collecting e-mail addresses from some of the Bible School students responding to my plea for help, I walked back across the campus to the cafeteria. As I entered, this same group of pastors were just ahead of me talking and laughing. They looked as I entered and then resumed their conversation in the cafeteria line. Only one turned to talk with me, the tall, Indian pastor who was asking how he could get in touch with our senior pastor.
As I entered the cafeteria, I suddenly remembered what the Junior High lunch room felt like on the first day of Junior high. Feelings of panic and inferiority washed over me in waves, but I mentally scolded myself: “Get a grip girl! You’re not an acne-faced 13 year old! You’re the Executive Director and Pastor of one of the fastest growing ministries around! Smile and make yourself look like you’ve got it goin on!” My eyes searched the tables looking for some of the young people that I knew, but I could see none of them. Then my gaze landed on the table where the pastoral diversity committee was seated along with the Dean of the college. The table was filling up fast and there was only one seat, but as I approached, it was taken by another young man. No one offered to make room for me at the table. They all politely lowered their gaze as I walked past and pretended not to see me.
I did find a seat at a table filled with young, idealistic Bible School students. I had a great time laughing and talking with them. I made sure to stop by the table with the pastoral diversity committee on my way out and thanked them for their presentation. I laughed as I walked back across the campus grounds to my car and thought: “Girl, if you only knew!”
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